Below are the 4 most recent journal entries recorded in emyls' InsaneJournal:

Wednesday, November 30th, 2011
7:30 pm	Decided to go ahead and slam out an entry a little bit early since I have company coming soon. But as I type I've been spending the last couple of weeks back in the states after reality aka work pulled me back to the UK. Acutally as someone in my UK circle noted I've been smiling more and its like I light up when one ringtone or text tone crossed my phone. Let's just say I was not expecting much from Miracle Day but I did find something pretty amazing via simply typing out an email. That same person also said something striking,"Since there's a few thousand miles and an ocean in the way of more frequent visits its making you take things slower, that can be a good thing". I know at least for us the slower pace is a must, it makes those visits more special among other things. But we have ways of staying connected in spite of the miles ranging from Skype marathons to the near constant flow of emails and texts. Plus we're also sharing our professional lives during visits and Skype late nighters, I especially can't wait to share places I've only been able to share via photos tucked into emails to name just one example. Given the last week or so especially I'm happy to be on this side of the ocean and able to offer moral support in person and not via a cell phone or late night Skype marathon. Right now I'm hopeful I can be a small ray of light in a dark cloud and able to offer support along with plenty of set stories and video from my side of the ocean to lighten things when its needed. Mush alert here! Over the last 6 or so months especially we've bonded and I feel like he really does get me on a different level. He's seen me at my darkest and at my happiest, he's gotten me to embrace the smart girl within that went into hiding for a bit and as someone told me once,"You know you found a missing piece of the inner puzzle when it feels like things just fit and you want to protect the other person." That has become more true since I've wanting to find ways to protect even with the miles that are in the way the bulk of the time. I'm dreading having to get on the plane back to Wales in a few days but this time I'm telling myself it won't be almost 3 months before I see him again. This time around it'll only be a few weeks before he comes to Cardiff and I'll be able to share Wales at Christmas with him among other things. Now that its on my mind anyone know how to get a Christmas tree into an apartment or should I just get a fake tree? Beyond a tree I am hopeful about getting all my Christmas shopping done among other things so once he gets to Cardiff I'll be able to just be a good host and girlfriend. Cariad: I think I figured out a way for you to skirt the madness of getting from London to Cardiff. It does depend on airports but if my thinking is right Paddington Station will take you right to Cardiff Central (main train station). There's also Kings Cross but its almost near chaos this time of year. My flat is within walking distance of the station and once you know more I'll be able to adjust this to fit. Once I'm home I'll email you a crash course on the UK at Christmas along with Panto schedules and the photos I promised (you ready to meet the rest of my circle?). But want me to book us on the Cardiff Castle tour? I can't wait to share my side of the ocean with you! (Comment on this)
Friday, October 14th, 2011
10:18 pm	Agents of flabels Only (Comment on this)
8:54 pm	flabels OOC Contact RELATIONSHIP STATUS: Single LOCATION: Cardiff,Wales,United Kingdom (but will travel for work along with just for fun trips) LIKES: Light bondage (padded cuffs and blindfolds, no problem. Will discuss otherwise), dirty talk, masturbation, toys/machines, oral, role play (will only play Gwen Cooper for special people), mild spanking, cybersex, teasing, phone sex/sexting, multiple orgasms, trying anal,otherwise will discuss more DISLIKES Scat, Golden Showers, hard core S&M, beastailty, bloodplay, anything really odd along with most of the other usual not a chance ideas, option of adding more Threads and Customs, comments are screened (OOC: moved from now dead comm so she's single (broke up with RL partner on good terms for storyline) and childless due to playing her for quite some time beforehand) (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Friday, August 5th, 2011
9:24 pm	If there was a way to stop feeling this numb I would find a way to bottle it and sell it. I know my emotions have a way of getting the upper hand but it lets me know I'm still me and Gwen has not totally taken over me. It was easy to shut down emotionally to keep the whirlwind from taking over but I realized something, I can't stay this numb for good. One of the first times I realized this was at the end of series 2 and "Exit Wounds". My emotions were off the charts raw so I ended up on my balcony, you can hear Cardiff Bay from there and the sound is oddly soothing. Ended up falling asleep and ended up with the worst cold in the process. That's why I'm seeing having the journal as a process, to stop slipping into that numb state of mind. To start really finding myself all over again and maybe see what fate has in store in the world beyond work. But that's the next part of the puzzle: facing that I may just actually be bisexual. After the same sex kiss during series 1 it triggered a few things and made me even more numb, but at the same time I liked it (not the numbness I mean). So maybe I am bi, it may just up the dating options in the process. This ran the map but its just me getting a lot of brain gunk out into the open. Right now there's more questions than answers at the moment. I'm also not always like this either so hopefully next update I'll be more upbeat about things. (6 Comments |Comment on this)